On Wholeness

Within a vast mind, the past does not exist.

It is nowhere to be found.

The only thing real is the eternal present moment.

The only thing that exists is the eternal present moment…

Wholeness is integrity

In the eternal now.

Wholeness is the union of body, heart and mind

In the eternal now.

Wholeness is one’s thoughts, words and actions aligned

In the eternal now.

This is where I take my stand.

With my high desert allies -

Cool earth beneath my feet

Wise trees silent beside me

Warm sun beams lighting the way

This is where I stand.

Upon a foundation of self-esteem

In the eternal now.

On Fear

In the face of Fear

I seize permission to be who I am

I seize permission to live my journey - as it was

In the face of Fear

I recruit strength from the Earth

I recruit strength from within

In the face of Fear

I force shame out of hiding

I expose shame to the light of day

In the face of Fear

My body shakes yet I stand my ground

My body shakes yet I won’t back down

In the face of Fear

I mend the internal split

I unify the broken pieces

In the face of Fear

I end years of silence

I end years of self-betrayal

In the face of Fear

I suit up and show up

For me - For you - For us all

On Patience

It took me 8 years of struggling alone with an eating disorder before having the courage to tell someone about it.

Bravery takes time.

It took me 5 years of a consistent yoga practice, 1200 yoga teacher training hours, and a solo trip to India before teaching my first yoga class.

Success takes time.

It took me 7 years of being caught in a toxic, codependent relationship before gaining the strength and resources to walk away.

Change takes time.

It took me 2 massive heartbreaks and 10 years of trauma therapy before attracting my life partner and being in a happy relationship.

Healing takes time.

It took me 20 years of drinking alcohol to decide that consuming an addictive neurotoxin isn’t congruent with my potential.

Learning take time.

Where are you now and where would you like to be?

Be patient with yourself.

Getting there takes time.

On This Body

This body has housed

each version of me

Little me

Teenage me

Woman me

Terrified me

Invisible me

Abused me

Voiceless me

Starving me

Bingeing me

Anxious me

Codependent me

Survival me

Secretive me

Addicted me

Heartbroken me

Angry me

Healing me

Resilient me

Happy me

Healthy me

This body has

Carried me

Believed in me

Protected me

Fought for me

Every single day

It has found

Safety

Connection

Abundance

Joy

Thank you

Thank you to this body

For holding me up on my hardest days

For being my longest-lasting friend

For supporting me unconditionally

Thank you

On Self-Love

Self-love is holding myself

in my own arms

Repeating

I’m here for you

I’m here for you

Self-love is asking

What wants attention?

What wants to be witnessed?

What needs support?

Self-love is listening deeply

to my own heart

Being present with the pain

Not shying away

Whispering to myself

You are safe

It’s ok to feel this

You are safe

Self-love is screaming into a pillow

Releasing years of pent up

Fear

Anger

Lies

Shame

Self-love is freeing my voice

Self-love is freeing my true self

Self-love is encouraging myself

Saying

You are awesome!

Look at everything you’ve come through!

Look at the woman you are now

You are AWESOME

Self-love is being present for my body

Present for the pain

Self-love is saying to myself

I am here for you

I am here for this pain

Self-love is forgiveness

With a reassuring tone

Saying over and over

I forgive you

I forgive you

You did the best you could

I forgive you

Self-love is repeating

lovingkindness to myself

Filling that deep hole inside

with

Sweet

Kind

Loving words

Self-love is a commitment

to own my story

The whole fucking story

Not just the parts

other people want to hear

Self-love is NOT appeasing others

Self-love is NOT betraying myself for others

Self-love is NOT hiding my authenticity from others

Self-love cannot come FROM others

It must be sourced from within

That’s what makes it SELF love

Self-love is radical

Self-love is bold

Self-love is here

Self-love is NOW

On Self-Esteem

When I was a little girl

there was a hole

inside my belly

where self-esteem

should have been

I set out on a journey

to fill that hole…

I starved myself so I could be skinny

I worked hard to be popular

I overachieved in school

I became

Homecoming Queen

Student Body President

Valedictorian

Was THIS self-esteem??

I sought attention and fame

by moving to Hollywood

I worked in nightclubs

Dated celebrities

Modeled

Auditioned for TV & film

Was THIS self-esteem??

I started drinking in order to fit in

I started drinking to appease alcoholic men

I kept drinking even though it was POISON

Poison for my body

Poison for my mind

Poison for my soul

Was THIS self-esteem??

I got certified at this school

And certified at that school

Oh, and at that school other too

I graduated with one degree

then I graduated with another degree…

Next up be would be my PhD

Was THIS self-esteem??

I worked night and day

to build a career I could be proud of

I worked night and day

to selflessly be there for others

I worked night and day

Night and day

Night and day

Was THIS self-esteem??

Yesterday, I cried

I cried for the little girl

with a hole inside her belly

I put two hands over the pain

I rocked her back and forth

back and forth

I told her, of course!

Of course you didn’t have any self-esteem

Of course this hole is empty

It’s not your fault

I love you

I understand you

I am FINALLY here for you

She whispered back

Thank You

THIS is SELF-ESTEEM